the thin red line.

lines are everywhere - in airports, train stations, cash registers, fitting rooms, restaurants, and ticket booths. these lines are cumbersome, yet they are part of protocol. lines are just one of the devises society has come up with to enforce order, so we'll know how to wait for the right time. in lines, we get a sense of predictability - we'll know whose turn it is, how much longer we'd have to wait, and what exactly happens next. it's easy to see why they are important in everyday life.

lines exist in relationships, too. these kinds of lines, however, are a bit more difficult to deal with. in relationships, there are lines to draw, lines to erase, lines to emphasize and lines to never ever cross. these lines contain feelings and define relationships. these borders keep everything ordered, well-maintained and simple. they keep conversations uncluttered, connections unattached, and friendships uncomplicated. it's not so difficult to understand - respect personal space, and know that there are just some things that are not to be done in order to keep things wrapped up neatly in a tight little package, tied up in a bow. once that bow unravels... well, let's just say that the phrase opening a can of worms just won't do justice to the consequences.

unfortunately these kinds of lines blur and it becomes harder to define exactly where they are. when the borders are pushed back everyday, it's tough to realize that you've been stepping on it with every conversation that you have, that it gets thinner everytime a meal is shared, and that it disappears altogether with a single dance.

crossing lines makes for a very gooey, messy, un-pretty sitation, and it takes more than just kicking yourself to be able to fix it.

lazy daisy.

one semester down, 7 more to go. after 6 gruelling months, i can officially, legitimately say that i am on my way to becoming a lawyer.

on my first day of not doing anything, i woke up at 2 in the afternoon, took a shower, glued myself to bed, watched HBO movies (taking lives, the notebook, ten things i hate about you) and lifestyle network with drinks on the bedside table, getting a bit of a buzz. after dinner i met up with my college blockmates in metrowalk, and after a couple of drinks, we decided the city became too boring and decided to go take a road trip to tagaytay at 1 in the morning.

there was some kind of a party in the compound of starbucks and leslie's, and there was this man with a beer belly in a sad-looking spiderman-esque, body-hugging, ass-conforming costume with tiny high waisted briefs dancing awkward old-lolo hiphop like there was no tomorrow, with grinding and the getting down-and-dirty-hip-pumping action. made the drive worth it, i swear! hilarious, especially after a couple of beers (yes, i'm learning how to like beer! necessity and cheap-ness do help you acquire that damn taste.)

it's so nice to wake up and realize that you can actually go back to sleep. movie? game! drinks? definitely. dancing? when?!? just let me know. i'll be there! =)

betrothed.

literally, a marriage made in heaven.

two galaxies merged and gave birth to billions and billions of stars, giving astronomers the rarest opportunity to view one of the loveliest images in the known universe. this event occuring once every million years is already too often, as the two galaxies involved in this phenomenon have been moving on collision course towards each other for the past 500 million years.

this gigantic blob of dust and gas that we perceive as beautiful little stars will disperse in 10 million years, and will give rise to globular clusters, or large groups of stars where galaxies like our very own are found.

the milky way is scheduled to clash with its fiance, the andromeda, in 6 billion years.

amazing.

imagine how much more is out there that we can't see or aren't even aware of! stars are time machines whose lights are aged - since it takes years for their sparkle to travel through space before they reach the earth, the skies we see now are pictures of the past. the sun's light and heat, as we see and feel it, have traversed 8 minutes worth of space, and the nearest star after the sun, Alpha Centauri, is two light-years away. when you gaze upon the sky, the Alpha Centauri you see was the Alpha Centauri two tears ago.

the size of the universe is something we can't grasp. i read somewhere that the expansive horizons of the universe is something the human mind cannot muster - and yet, it's still expanding, getting larger and more difficult to understand as the years go by. it's certainly not waiting for us mere mortals to discover its secrets first before making itself more complicated.

i feel so small...

getting physical (and political).

after spending three whole days just sitting and reading, i told myself last sunday night to get off my chair and do something physical. so, i did 60 - yes, a measly 60 - leg lifts to give my poor butt, which has been nothing but squishy, a bit of a workout.

it's tuesday morning now. my butt STILL hurts. quite sad.

i am in dire need of exercise. i have two weeks during my break to try to get my body back in some semblance of a shape. wall climbing? game. boxing? go. swimming? sige lang. (of course, subject to the availability of funds. boo, student allowance.)

i'm blogging my plan just so i'll be pressured to do it!

any takers? kung wala, tatakbo nalang ako sa ateneo sa umaga. =)

***

in other news, i read somewhere that borgy manotoc is thinking (or, imelda marcos is thinking for borgy) of running for mayor of manila.

Borgy, who has modeled for several clothing companies, recently finished his studies at the City College of New York, majoring in advertising and public relations, while working part-time at an independent record label.
- www.inq7.net

in short, get ready for a seduce-those-young-people-into-voting-for-this-barbie-doll-for-a-man type of campaign. parang...mali.

well, at least that's one less candidate i have to do intensive research for for Gino's voters' information (which was called halaan 2007 by jerwin) website.

tomorrow.

let's have a moment of silence for the final episode of west wing...

tear... =(

for the most i've learned about governance and hardball; for showing both the limits and the flexibility of the constitution; for proof that politics does not have to be dirty or underhanded, but clever, principled and transparent; for the little bits of interesting trivia (like how the carpet of the oval office changes in times of war).

for placing the press secretary, chief of staff, communications director, the executive secretaries and security forces on a pedestal, and for emphasis on their contribution to the administration of leadership.

for wit, humor, integrity, intelligence and clarity in the face of chaos, strategy and making decisions that would change the world in the next two minutes; for leaving politics at the doorstep in the name of policies that work; for the first (fictional) woman chief justice on the bench; for the most respect i've had for any president (granted he's a TV character), for realism, idealism and everything else in between.

i love this show. =) GMA should watch this. or they should show it in one of the House sessions.

(fyi, the title of this post is the title of the last episode.)

i don't have a a show to reward myself with after a long day. any suggestions? =)

just around the corner.

christmas is just around the corner. do you feel it? i don't! i've been waiting for the first crisp gust of cool wind at high noon that's the tell-tale sign that the holidays are coming, but lately, it's been hot, humid and rainy - a very weird mishmash of weather conditions that are making a whole bunch of paranoid students (vitamin) pill-popping people to avoid getting sick during finals week.

the only sign of people preparing for the holidays (cos i'm usually surrounded with people engrossed in books) is the weird choir of old ladies next door, presumably practicing for christmas carolling. for the past three nights, "heaven and earth resound the hymn" ala sister act has been my soundtrack to the revised penal code, complete with drums, tambourines and the high-pitched falsetto background vocals. i can just imagine them snapping their fingers and going crazy to the beat. oh see, now they're singing it slow-mo: "sa-a-a-a-alve (saaa--lve--eee) sa-a-a-alve-e-e re-e-e-e-gi----na-a-a-a..."

and, curtain.

on a happy note, i saw the powerplant people bringing out the structure of their lovely lovely christmas tree the other day, so, hopefully, after i come out of the classroom each day next week after every test, i can drown my sorrows and disappointment in pretty lights and butternut crunch jolly twirl.

i can see God

I Can See God

I see God as a mighty moose,
lumbering lazily across the strewn, brown leaves
that make the forest floor.

I see God in the warmth of friendship,
reassuring myself that I am not alone
when I travel through extreme troubles.

I see God in the form of the sweltering, hot sun,
giving us the beautiful light
and the joy we need.

I see God in the form of a large, loving heart,
happily filling ours with joy.

I see God in the peace our great world can offer,
peace that others crave and desire,
the peace that allows us to be free.

this is the first poem that my ten-year old nephew, EJ, wrote. kumusta ang vocab! how many ten year olds know what "sweltering" means?? at may nalalaman pa siyang extreme troubles! =) i think he should keep writing! =)

**

you gave me a cardigan when i was in fourth year high school. that was 5 years ago. it was a basic cardigan, with details that only you would think of as necessary - double zippers (so i can sit down with the sweater all zipped up withoout it looking strangely bulky at the tummy area), a stand up collar (in the age when stand up collars weren't cool, so the back of my neck won't be cold), cozy but thin (so it'd be ok for the crazy humid weather we have here at home) and with a bit of stripe-y things on it to make it a bit dressy (so i can wear it not just during the day, but during gimmicks too). of course, it had to be white, so it'd be flexible and would go with everything in my closet. and anyways, you always liked things to be clean and simple. those details have proved to be useful over the years. all cardigans should be made like that.

it's been a staple in my wardrobe since. it may be 5 years old, but it still fits well. and, you're right, being warm and toasty does make all the difference when you have to stay in starbucks for 8 hours just reading and losing your mind. it's been a constant study partner, along with a big cup of coffee and my trusty purple pen and ruler. just give me those and i'm all set to put on my thinking cap.

i lost it today though. =( i was rushing all over greenhills in the rain this afternoon, and i put it on top of the books that i was carrying around. in the middle of a frenzied phone call, i realized that i no longer had it with me. i knew, even as i retraced my steps, that i would never find it again, and that sinking feeling followed me around as i asked the guards and the salesladies if they had seen a white jacket on the floor.

so now i'm stuck with sweaters that i never really warmed up to (pun intended) - second best ones that have been jammed to the back of my closet because i haven't used them in forever. i don't think they'll feel the same though. these ones i have now haven't been broken in, and they haven't proven their worth as a study buddy. they're not as cozy. but i guess they'll have to do.

i hate the fact that a cardigan can mean so much.

one small girl.

part of this whole growing up business is searching for answers. we try to find the insights that would give us solutions to the crazy world we're in, and we try to rationalize our entire outlook in order to not just survive, but thrive in the cynicism of our circumstances. a friend of mine who works inside the cold stark walls of a corporation was told a couple of months back never to trust anyone, while another friend is dealing with the thought that her ideal company might not be so ideal after all - a slap in the face for someone who has dreamt of working there for a very long time.

at the end of a very difficult week dealing with sharks and monsters, we all find comfort in the fact that there is a weekend to look forward to for release and relaxation. we kick off our shoes and complain about the nuances and niceties of the workplace, taking refuge in the familiar faces who have seen you through thick eyebrows and braces. in the middle of bursting into song, camwhorage and dancing the night away, we sigh and comment on how things have changed, how we all have had to adjust, how different the world is and how consumed by capitalism and careers each and every building in makati has become.

different words. same conversations.

by the end of the night, we shake all the drinks off our system and prepare ourselves for another long week of what we call being grown-ups. come monday morning, we jam our feet once again into toe-pinching, arthritis-inducing stilletos, squeeze ourselves into pinstriped slacks, and fall in step with the rhythm of the pace of young urban professionals, resigned to the fact that growing up means going to work. we begin to see signs of aging so early in our years - white hair, crow's feet, calloused toes. and it hasn't even been a year since we graduated!

all the hype back in college has led us all to one fatal illusion: growing up means independence. going to work, getting paid, getting headaches - all these form part of that phase when we are uprooted from neverneverland and are launched back into earth. school has prepared us for our tumultous crash down from the "second star to the right and straight on til morning," but not for the landing and the sights we'll see upon reaching the ground. work, in fact, isn't a sign of growing up; it's a sign of growing old.

i have no idea what growing up is all about. i don't know how much time it takes, or how much experience you need to able to say that you are grown-up. i don't know what kind of resume you have to have under your belt to be able to claim that you have a right to sit in the adult's table. is a semester of law school, or three years of living alone, or a year of work, or a couple of years of post-grad courses enough?

for sure, we graduates (this title is going to expire in march, by the way) have gone through revolutions inside our heads in the past 6 months. we've re-assessed, agitated, recreated and refired, to say the least, our notions and ideals of what adulthood would be like. numerous times have we all said that we missed college - someone once told me to enjoy college because it would actually be the longest break i'll have in life: old enough to be trusted, but not too old that we could still afford to be irresponsible; old enough to drive a car, but too young to pay for your own gas.

maybe growing up is not about getting lost in the future that we were brought up to live for. maybe it's about stepping onto uncertain ground, despite looking back and wishing for comfort zones that we never appreciated. maybe it's venturing onto unstable territory in spite of your desire to surround yourself with old reliables. maybe it's coping with the idea that there are no answers or ideals, that plans never work out, that flat tires can happen to you and gas stations are not reliable in times of car trouble. maybe it's putting a band-aid over that angry red blister on your pinky toe to be able to walk around in heels, or bringing a sandwich for lunch because payday is still two days away. maybe it's knowing that mothers don't know everything and the advice "time heals all wounds" and "this, too, shall pass" is just a catch-all phrase said when there's nothing left to say. in any case, i'll let you know when i get there.

happiness is.

to be happy, lady told me, you should just remember the things that you had done before that made you happy and do them.

we should all just run to the beach now, soak up the sun (to get rid of flourescent light tans) and eat andok's lechon manok. that, or watch dvd's all day eating pizza. or have long coffee conversations. or maybe discover the best cheese cake ever, or spend 60 bucks on the best pad thai and thai milk tea. or find free parking, or get indoors just in time to avoid a sudden downpour of rain. or take a long drive, or a spontaneous road trip just to play poker at the side of the road. or take a long, well-deserved nap. or go dancing.

simple advice. and easy to understand, too. thanks, lads. =) of course, gino had to say "ha? hindi na original yun no. sinabi na rin yan eh, sa sound of music."

boo gino =)