moving out. officially.

as per lara's request to create a link from here to my new blog...

http://chinchiminee.livejournal.com is my new home. i have been updating that journal instead of this for a while now, but i just didn't want to make it official. now it is. =)

firsts and lasts.

today, i said goodbye to a lot of things -

1. my sembreak: this was my last official weekend.
2. my saturday afternoons: this was the last afternoon i was officially free; i'll have classes from 1 to 5 in the coming sem every saturday (shit).
3. finally, and most importantly, gin: this was her last official evening, and our last official bursting-into-song session.

ok fine, that's just three things, but they're important to me, so it felt like plenty.

i'll miss you gin. i didn't think i'd be as affected by your leaving as i am now, but it turns out you've played a much bigger role in my life than i thought...thank you. =) i'm so sure you'll love it there and before you know it you'll be back here next year singing rent and wicked. by then i promise i will have watched it na so i can sing along with you guys.

as for sembreak and saturday afternoons...well, i have 5 months until i have my next break, so, it's not so bad. there will be more to come. and anyway, there'll still be saturday nights.

in other news, today i played monopoly...and survived, for the first time EVER! i was not bankrupt when the game ended, which is quite a feat when you consider that i had been monopolied-out and beaten by my 7 and 8 year-old nephews before. thanks to hotels in boardwalk and park place, and the mean negotiating of miguel, gino and pot for helping me end with 2,700+ in my pocket. it was a three-way victory (sorry pot, who lost everything but gained a free KFC dinner), with me, gino and miguel gaining some sort of boring equilibrium at the end because everyone could pay everyone's rent. good game, good game. =)

adrift.

"my God, you're so disciplined!"

i hear this phrase all the time. it's exclaimed whenever i mention the fact that i study at least 6 hours a day, or that i set my alarm at 6 in the morning everyday, even if there are no classes and i have nothing to do just so i won't ruin my body clock, or when others see me out late at night on a weekday despite the fact that i have a couple of hundred pages to read. people always say it with a bit of amazement, like i should be applauded for fitting the things in my life in neat, accessible little boxes and compartments, perfectly categorized, organized, post-it flagged and color-coded.

i'm not complaning. in fact, i appreciate and am certainly grateful for the encouragement and support. these positive reinforcements keep me going, and are part of the forces that continually push me forward and propel me to work my hardest, give my all, and ultimately accomplish whatever it is i had sought to achieve. after all, organization, time management, and discipline undeniably do make things easier. i am more efficient, productive and effective when i am armed with a plan, and i am able to "waste time" by planning my day in order to have time to waste - without the guilt. even my relaxed moments are scheduled, for crying out loud! i just don't know how else to manage if i don't try to stay one steap ahead. a little foresight goes a long way, and i am always amazed with those people who can afford to just throw caution to the wind and go with the flow. sometimes, though, i wonder why pulling the anchor isn't considered the braver, more commendable thing to do. haven't poets been telling us to explore uncharted waters, to walk the road less travelled and to discover the unknown?

control is great. discipline is even better. true, these two virtues lead you directly to your goal. having discipline and self-control is definitely admirable, but overrated nonetheless. having and gaining control is easy. letting go, however, is much harder to do.

i'm not just talking about letting go of past loves, though. i'm talking about not caring that your bag does not match your shoes, or that you forgot to put on concealer before stepping out of your door. it's not worrying about that extra piece of cake you ate the night before, or that you missed going to the gym once or twice this week. it's not caring about whether or not he (or she) will find out that you have a big crush on him (or her), or that he (or she) will see you as a little bit weird for singing too loud or liking Paris Hilton's Stars are Blind. letting go is about dancing just a little bit closer than usual, or placing your well-kept secrets in the hands of another. it's about relaxing in the middle of the ocean while still holding on to your oar, or doing something you've never done before just to see what it's like. it's not knowing what happens next, and being okay about that particular fact. it's about, as cheesy as it sounds and as cliche as it is, letting your emotions take over, at least for a little while, for life happens - and indeed, thrives -on the mess that we manage to create when we're not paying the most attention.

you deal with responsibilities and obligations with utmost care and diligence, there is no doubt about that. with the more personal issues however...well, all the plotting and scheduling in the world simply just won't do. there some things that you can't put in a timetable, no matter how hard you try to force them in. stuff that are both meaningful and useless at the same time will always be thrown your way that are not in your itenerary, and regardless of how badly they screw up your beautifully laid-out plans, you'll still have to clean up the clutter and pick up what's left of your agenda.

all that sparkles.

i've always wondered what it was like to be single.

you know -

not waiting for a text, or not making plans around someone else's day; being able to stay in or stay out as late or as early as you want; having aimless days, just to spend time alone without the need to ask for them; being able to spend your money for yourself, without worying about christmas or birthday presents, and being able to go around the mall without buying something just cos you know he/she would like it; not having to keep looking over your shoulder whenever the two of you are out just to see if he/she is ok...

it sounded good before, but i realized that that is not so great after all.

or maybe it's just cos i'm the only one on break while everyone else is busy.

boo. =)

the thin red line.

lines are everywhere - in airports, train stations, cash registers, fitting rooms, restaurants, and ticket booths. these lines are cumbersome, yet they are part of protocol. lines are just one of the devises society has come up with to enforce order, so we'll know how to wait for the right time. in lines, we get a sense of predictability - we'll know whose turn it is, how much longer we'd have to wait, and what exactly happens next. it's easy to see why they are important in everyday life.

lines exist in relationships, too. these kinds of lines, however, are a bit more difficult to deal with. in relationships, there are lines to draw, lines to erase, lines to emphasize and lines to never ever cross. these lines contain feelings and define relationships. these borders keep everything ordered, well-maintained and simple. they keep conversations uncluttered, connections unattached, and friendships uncomplicated. it's not so difficult to understand - respect personal space, and know that there are just some things that are not to be done in order to keep things wrapped up neatly in a tight little package, tied up in a bow. once that bow unravels... well, let's just say that the phrase opening a can of worms just won't do justice to the consequences.

unfortunately these kinds of lines blur and it becomes harder to define exactly where they are. when the borders are pushed back everyday, it's tough to realize that you've been stepping on it with every conversation that you have, that it gets thinner everytime a meal is shared, and that it disappears altogether with a single dance.

crossing lines makes for a very gooey, messy, un-pretty sitation, and it takes more than just kicking yourself to be able to fix it.

lazy daisy.

one semester down, 7 more to go. after 6 gruelling months, i can officially, legitimately say that i am on my way to becoming a lawyer.

on my first day of not doing anything, i woke up at 2 in the afternoon, took a shower, glued myself to bed, watched HBO movies (taking lives, the notebook, ten things i hate about you) and lifestyle network with drinks on the bedside table, getting a bit of a buzz. after dinner i met up with my college blockmates in metrowalk, and after a couple of drinks, we decided the city became too boring and decided to go take a road trip to tagaytay at 1 in the morning.

there was some kind of a party in the compound of starbucks and leslie's, and there was this man with a beer belly in a sad-looking spiderman-esque, body-hugging, ass-conforming costume with tiny high waisted briefs dancing awkward old-lolo hiphop like there was no tomorrow, with grinding and the getting down-and-dirty-hip-pumping action. made the drive worth it, i swear! hilarious, especially after a couple of beers (yes, i'm learning how to like beer! necessity and cheap-ness do help you acquire that damn taste.)

it's so nice to wake up and realize that you can actually go back to sleep. movie? game! drinks? definitely. dancing? when?!? just let me know. i'll be there! =)

betrothed.

literally, a marriage made in heaven.

two galaxies merged and gave birth to billions and billions of stars, giving astronomers the rarest opportunity to view one of the loveliest images in the known universe. this event occuring once every million years is already too often, as the two galaxies involved in this phenomenon have been moving on collision course towards each other for the past 500 million years.

this gigantic blob of dust and gas that we perceive as beautiful little stars will disperse in 10 million years, and will give rise to globular clusters, or large groups of stars where galaxies like our very own are found.

the milky way is scheduled to clash with its fiance, the andromeda, in 6 billion years.

amazing.

imagine how much more is out there that we can't see or aren't even aware of! stars are time machines whose lights are aged - since it takes years for their sparkle to travel through space before they reach the earth, the skies we see now are pictures of the past. the sun's light and heat, as we see and feel it, have traversed 8 minutes worth of space, and the nearest star after the sun, Alpha Centauri, is two light-years away. when you gaze upon the sky, the Alpha Centauri you see was the Alpha Centauri two tears ago.

the size of the universe is something we can't grasp. i read somewhere that the expansive horizons of the universe is something the human mind cannot muster - and yet, it's still expanding, getting larger and more difficult to understand as the years go by. it's certainly not waiting for us mere mortals to discover its secrets first before making itself more complicated.

i feel so small...

getting physical (and political).

after spending three whole days just sitting and reading, i told myself last sunday night to get off my chair and do something physical. so, i did 60 - yes, a measly 60 - leg lifts to give my poor butt, which has been nothing but squishy, a bit of a workout.

it's tuesday morning now. my butt STILL hurts. quite sad.

i am in dire need of exercise. i have two weeks during my break to try to get my body back in some semblance of a shape. wall climbing? game. boxing? go. swimming? sige lang. (of course, subject to the availability of funds. boo, student allowance.)

i'm blogging my plan just so i'll be pressured to do it!

any takers? kung wala, tatakbo nalang ako sa ateneo sa umaga. =)

***

in other news, i read somewhere that borgy manotoc is thinking (or, imelda marcos is thinking for borgy) of running for mayor of manila.

Borgy, who has modeled for several clothing companies, recently finished his studies at the City College of New York, majoring in advertising and public relations, while working part-time at an independent record label.
- www.inq7.net

in short, get ready for a seduce-those-young-people-into-voting-for-this-barbie-doll-for-a-man type of campaign. parang...mali.

well, at least that's one less candidate i have to do intensive research for for Gino's voters' information (which was called halaan 2007 by jerwin) website.

tomorrow.

let's have a moment of silence for the final episode of west wing...

tear... =(

for the most i've learned about governance and hardball; for showing both the limits and the flexibility of the constitution; for proof that politics does not have to be dirty or underhanded, but clever, principled and transparent; for the little bits of interesting trivia (like how the carpet of the oval office changes in times of war).

for placing the press secretary, chief of staff, communications director, the executive secretaries and security forces on a pedestal, and for emphasis on their contribution to the administration of leadership.

for wit, humor, integrity, intelligence and clarity in the face of chaos, strategy and making decisions that would change the world in the next two minutes; for leaving politics at the doorstep in the name of policies that work; for the first (fictional) woman chief justice on the bench; for the most respect i've had for any president (granted he's a TV character), for realism, idealism and everything else in between.

i love this show. =) GMA should watch this. or they should show it in one of the House sessions.

(fyi, the title of this post is the title of the last episode.)

i don't have a a show to reward myself with after a long day. any suggestions? =)

just around the corner.

christmas is just around the corner. do you feel it? i don't! i've been waiting for the first crisp gust of cool wind at high noon that's the tell-tale sign that the holidays are coming, but lately, it's been hot, humid and rainy - a very weird mishmash of weather conditions that are making a whole bunch of paranoid students (vitamin) pill-popping people to avoid getting sick during finals week.

the only sign of people preparing for the holidays (cos i'm usually surrounded with people engrossed in books) is the weird choir of old ladies next door, presumably practicing for christmas carolling. for the past three nights, "heaven and earth resound the hymn" ala sister act has been my soundtrack to the revised penal code, complete with drums, tambourines and the high-pitched falsetto background vocals. i can just imagine them snapping their fingers and going crazy to the beat. oh see, now they're singing it slow-mo: "sa-a-a-a-alve (saaa--lve--eee) sa-a-a-alve-e-e re-e-e-e-gi----na-a-a-a..."

and, curtain.

on a happy note, i saw the powerplant people bringing out the structure of their lovely lovely christmas tree the other day, so, hopefully, after i come out of the classroom each day next week after every test, i can drown my sorrows and disappointment in pretty lights and butternut crunch jolly twirl.