random thoughts
i used to be scared of getting my own blog because i felt that it would confirm the fact that i had nothing to write about. the spontaneity and the candidness of the entries of the people whose blogs i read always amaze me! i mean, how can people go through so much in a day? how can they have profound thoughts in the mundane rut that we all go through? how can breakthroughs come about while waiting for burger machine orders, or while waiting for the stoplight to turn green, or while running all over new york city haggling for broadway tickets?
marcel said reflection is the only way to make life rich and meaningful (well, as i recall anyway... yun naman talaga yung sinabi niya diba?) he even went to such lengths as formulating primary and secondary reflection so that a person would be able to ruminate about his or her life properly and ultimately delve into the meaning and purpose of his or her experiences. without looking back, life would be a flat, one-dimensional plane, a simple chain of occurences that allows a person only to live from one day to the next - a linear form of existence that fails to become a coherent whole.
but what if there are no experiences worthy of reflection? anais nin, a french-born author (who, incidentally, led a double life - she was a bigamist, being married to two different men who had absolutely no idea of the other's existence. the husbands only found out about each other after anais nin's death. she is known for her published (censored and uncensored) diaries, and erotica), said "we write to taste life twice." what if there's nothing significant enough to taste again? or, what if there are things to "taste," but it's too bitter that it's not something you'd want to go through again? what if these involve asking questions that either 1) you thought you already put behind you, or 2) think you'll never have the answers to?
so much for emo. domestic saturday nights have that effect, probably. that, and having to read another 125 pages for consti law for monday, which i have to get started on tonight if i want to be able to sleep properly.
i probably just am in a very weird stage. you know, in the in-betweens, where you know that you don't want anything new with anyone, the right guy or otherwise, but you don't want to get back together with anyone from the past either. it's floating somewhere in the middle, where just the thought of building a new foundation with someone else is tiring, but you're not sure if you're ready to go back to where you came from. limbo years.
****
do you remember yourself in high school? do you know the difference between yourself now and yourself like, 6, 7 years ago? (aside from all the physical changes of course. damn you awkward years!) do you know how much you've learned or how much you've accomplished? are you really any wiser? we used to think as kids that we already knew some things. now, however, we look at kids and ask what do they really know. but honestly, do you think you actually, constructively know better? sure, we've definitely gone through more than them - more sleepless nights, more tears, more laughter, more music, more television shows, more roadtrips, more drunken evenings, more crazy stunts...but, does the 7-year age gap really give you THAT much leverage? i mean, my sister had her first-born son at around my age. god, if i had a son now, i would have absolutely no clue what to teach him. would knowing where the good places to eat are be good enough?
i don't know. i think i'll just watch west wing.
marcel said reflection is the only way to make life rich and meaningful (well, as i recall anyway... yun naman talaga yung sinabi niya diba?) he even went to such lengths as formulating primary and secondary reflection so that a person would be able to ruminate about his or her life properly and ultimately delve into the meaning and purpose of his or her experiences. without looking back, life would be a flat, one-dimensional plane, a simple chain of occurences that allows a person only to live from one day to the next - a linear form of existence that fails to become a coherent whole.
but what if there are no experiences worthy of reflection? anais nin, a french-born author (who, incidentally, led a double life - she was a bigamist, being married to two different men who had absolutely no idea of the other's existence. the husbands only found out about each other after anais nin's death. she is known for her published (censored and uncensored) diaries, and erotica), said "we write to taste life twice." what if there's nothing significant enough to taste again? or, what if there are things to "taste," but it's too bitter that it's not something you'd want to go through again? what if these involve asking questions that either 1) you thought you already put behind you, or 2) think you'll never have the answers to?
so much for emo. domestic saturday nights have that effect, probably. that, and having to read another 125 pages for consti law for monday, which i have to get started on tonight if i want to be able to sleep properly.
i probably just am in a very weird stage. you know, in the in-betweens, where you know that you don't want anything new with anyone, the right guy or otherwise, but you don't want to get back together with anyone from the past either. it's floating somewhere in the middle, where just the thought of building a new foundation with someone else is tiring, but you're not sure if you're ready to go back to where you came from. limbo years.
****
do you remember yourself in high school? do you know the difference between yourself now and yourself like, 6, 7 years ago? (aside from all the physical changes of course. damn you awkward years!) do you know how much you've learned or how much you've accomplished? are you really any wiser? we used to think as kids that we already knew some things. now, however, we look at kids and ask what do they really know. but honestly, do you think you actually, constructively know better? sure, we've definitely gone through more than them - more sleepless nights, more tears, more laughter, more music, more television shows, more roadtrips, more drunken evenings, more crazy stunts...but, does the 7-year age gap really give you THAT much leverage? i mean, my sister had her first-born son at around my age. god, if i had a son now, i would have absolutely no clue what to teach him. would knowing where the good places to eat are be good enough?
i don't know. i think i'll just watch west wing.
posted by chin at 8:43 PM
4 Comments:
Sigh... there are so many points I wanted to comment on in this entry except I forgot most of them. hehe
But this made me think of how much more I do know now, as compared to 6-7 years ago, but have failed to put into practice. Miserably failed.
Maybe ignorance really is bliss...
hehe, sorry, this entry should've been really split into two. =)
i know, i hate the thought of having gone through so many years and yet have nothing to show for it! =) but you know lads, we're all smarter than we think we really are. i'd like to think that we think we aren't just because we haven't really been put to the test, i guess.
someone once told me that i had become "better at being me." what does that mean? =) maybe that's all we really become - we become better at being ourselves, because we know what we want (or, in our case, what we don't want =)) and how we've been able to cope with instability and change.
but yep, ignorance is bliss! i want to tell my 10 year old nephew to stop growing up, now na. =)
mike: hahaha yes, sayo galing 'yan! =) add to the looong list of BK words and phrases
"better at being me." What does that mean nga? hahaha.
So true though about knowing what we don't want, I'm one of those people who can't say what they want but know exactly what to refuse.
For some reason, I fear being put to the test. I don't fear failing it, what I'd dread would be the experience of it; Having to go through extra discomfort, unhappiness, frustration or desolation.
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